Keys

There is a pesky vortex in my house that takes keys. It must have a really sick sense of humor, because they are always missing. It seems most fond of mens' keys because my husband and 2 older sons can never find theirs.

Generally, the key vortex leaves mine alone. Either it can't locate them in my purse, or it's afraid of me. On the rare occasion that it does take my keys, it's because one of the males has handled them. Since it has a healthy respect for my abilities, it usually gives them back without a fight.
The same cannot be said for the keys of my husband and sons. It always takes forever for them to locate their lost keys. Until I join the hunt, the keys stay missing.

Sometimes all it takes is for me to say, "Have you looked in the pocket of your dirty jeans? Did you check your uniform? Could you have left them in the bathroom?" Other times, I must also join the hunt. The vortex always gives them back right away when I start looking. That's why I suspect it's afraid of me.

Once in awhile, my pesky vortex gets tired of hiding keys and takes my husband's glasses instead. It's much more clever where those are concerned. Even with me in the hunt, they aren't always located right away. The vortex has left them in some pretty odd places. On top of the microwave, out in the garage and once in the refrigerator. One night when he was getting ready for work, his glasses were missing. Even with me in the hunt, the vortex didn't give them back. He had to go to work without them. We didn't find them for several days, so my husband went and got new ones.

Of course, as soon as the new glasses were in the house, the old ones showed up in a place we had already looked several times; on top of a bronze colored box on the dresser, much the same color as the glasses. Clever vortex employed camouflage that time. Now, however, the new ones have disappeared and even my excellent powers of persuasion and perception can't locate them.
I really wish the vortex would go haunt a different household. Every time he strikes, I get blamed. I can't imagine why when I'm the one who finds the missing objects. Does my family think I hide things for fun? I have more important things to do than hide and locate their keys. Until such time as the vortex gets tired of tormenting me, I'm stuck with him. I hope maybe when my kids move out, he'll follow them instead of staying with me. Then again, I'll still have my husband, so I guess I'm stuck with the vortex for life.