Drake
Mann, comic magician, goes to his cousin's Christmas party, where he
drinks too many Margaritas and is feeling the effects. He goes
outside to visit with his cousin Patrick and Patrick's girlfriend,
Sherri.
"Hey,
blood!" Patrick pounded Drake on the back, nearly knocking him
down. "You look like hell."
"Never
let me drink Margaritas again. Please. Jose Cuervo is not my friend."
"Mine
either," Sherri admitted. "He makes me do dumb things."
"He
makes me forget my moral and ethical standards and boff anything with
tits," Patrick said in his disconcertingly blunt way.
"He
is why I have a daughter," Drake admitted. "So we have a
similar problem."
"What
is this, true confessions?" Jed had joined them.
"Talking
about the evils of Jose Cuervo."
Jed
waved it away, weaving slightly. "It should be made illegal."
The
rest of them agreed.
One
of Vivica's cousins brought Drake another Margarita.
"No,"
he mumbled. "I can't. I'll barf up a kidney."
"Oh,
come on," she begged. "Just one more?"
"Seriously,
I can't. I've got kids to drive home. No more alcohol."
"Okay,"
she said, waving her tits practically in front of his face. "Your
loss."
"I
know," he mumbled as she walked back inside. "Damn! Why
couldn't I have met her a week ago?" He watched her strut around
the kitchen with hunger.
"She
wants you, dude. Go for it," Jed encouraged.
"Dating
someone."
"So?
She's not here."
Drake
gave him a hard look. "Sherri, woman's perspective. Little game
of let's pretend."
"Okay."
She snuggled close to Patrick, her head on his shoulder.
"Say
you and I were newly dating—three days."
"Have
we been to bed yet?"
"No.
Came close, but got interrupted. Family emergency."
She
nodded, dark eyes focusing on him intently. "Go on. We've been
nearly naked, no sex. . . ."
"Okay,
so you go out of town to visit your mom for a few days. If, in that
time, I slept with another woman. . . ."
"I
would gouge out your eyeballs and replace them with your severed
testicles. Next scenario, please?" She folded her arms across
her chest, chin jutting out aggressively.
Drake
held out his hands to Jed. "You see my conundrum."
"Dude,
I don't even know what a conundrum is," Jed whined.
"Difficulty,"
Patrick supplied.
"No
conundrums here," Jed said. "You'd die happy."
Sherri
punched him.
"Hey,
assaulting a police officer! I outrank you, missy!" He swatted
at her hands as she continued to jab him.
"That's
okay, your brother outranks you and he likes me better. Who do you
think he'd arrest?"
"Not
the hot chick," Patrick said, putting his arm around Sherri's
neck possessively.
"Patrick,
you are one lucky man," Drake said with a heavy, alcohol induced
sigh. "Sherri, God, you look pretty."
"That's
the Cuervo talking, D. Eyes up here," she said, raising his chin
so he wasn't staring at her tits.
"Sorry.
Normally, I don't gaze intently at the breasts of another man's
girlfriend. I apologize."
"Totally
understand," Patrick said. "If you did that sober, I'd have
to let her kill you."
©
2014 Dellani Oakes
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