Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Take a Bite Outta Crime Part 15 by Dellani Oakes




Leaving the women with Phillida, Kirk visits the kitchen, to find an old friend.

"I meant Margo. You thought I meant you?" He chuckled. He had meant Kirk, but he wouldn't in a million years let him know that.
Margo giggled, smacking his arm. "I did train you well," she said, her accent coming through stronger than usual.
"My love, you trained me well in everything." He kissed seductively all the way from her hand to her shoulder. "You took a dirty pig boy and made him the premier chef in Her Majesty's service. Ah, Vicki was quite the lady, she was." He continued to kiss her hands, her arms, her neck. "What are you doing these days, my love? What amuses you?"
"Better not to go into details, Silas." Her face closed off suddenly. "Suffice to say I am well satisfied."
"Does he like to play games with three players?" He raised an eyebrow as he kissed the inside of her arm from her elbow to her armpit.
"I'll ask."
"You'll let me know?"
"Dear Silas, of course I will. But don't get your hopes up. He's young and very attached."
"Well, bugger! But I know you didn't just come here for me. Hey, did you see his nibs new lady?"
"Yes, she's a friend of ours."
He leaned over, hissing somewhat as he spoke. "Best spirit her away. It ain't safe here with herself around. She's a pretty thing, sweet, kind... I'd hate to see anything bad hap...." He turned abruptly back to his kitchen, clapping his hands loudly.
"Oi, then! Check the tables! What's low, what's missing? Does anyone have half a brain among them? No, sweetheart, that's not the serving dish. You cannot take it out of this kitchen in that condition!"
It took Kirk only a moment to realize there was someone standing behind him. One of the twins had entered while they were talking. Kirk couldn't tell them apart. He didn't remember their names without effort, even 150 years later. He detested them both, and they him. He thought of them as Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee. Their personalities augmented and accentuated Phillida's. He often wondered how they had been before meeting her. He suspected they had been vain, haughty and cruel even then. She was always attracted to that type. Andres was cruel, haughty and vain personified. He had his better qualities, few though they might be. He had the capacity to love. Kirk strongly suspected that Phillida did not.
"Mistress wants you," the twin hissed, his accent something dark and growling.
Tweedle Dum, Kirk guessed.
"Does it ever occur to you to say please?" Margo asked him.
He glared at her. At one time Margo had amused herself with one of the twins. Kirk suspected that this was the one. It made his presence moderately less tolerable. He'd treated her abominably.
"Follow me." He bowed slightly to Kirk. "Please," he added with a leer at Margo.
Margo patted his cheek none too fondly as she passed. "Your personality hasn't improved a bit, Petrov. You're still just as grumpy as you were. Are you getting laid on a regular basis? I hear it's marvelous therapy."
He growled slightly as she walked ahead of him out of the room. Margo waited for Petrov to get ahead of her. She never liked being the first to greet Phillida. One could never tell if she was in a throwing mood. Given the presence of the lovely and nubile Carley, Margo judged that she would be in the vilest of humors. She wasn't disappointed.
Phillida was in full voice as Petrov led them to the library. Margo and Kirk could hear her yelling several yards away. At first, her words were indistinguishable, then an all too familiar litany developed.
"The bastard! The slimy, two-faced, lowlife, stinking, slug brained, worm-dick bastard! I'll kill him! I swear, I'll drink him dry. I'll kill him in his sleep!" The crash of an expensive decorative object echoed down the barren hall. "Then I'll rip her throat out. No, I'll turn her as he lies there bleeding. Then her first meal can be what's left of him. I hate him! I loathe him! I will get even if it's the last thing I do!"
Kirk thought he heard another voice inside and hoped it wasn't the second twin—Tweedle Dee. For some reason, they were inseparable, although they didn't seem to like one another very much. They stood aside as Petrov tapped on the door just as another resounding crash filled the hallway. Petrov flinched.
Kirk smiled. At least there was something that got under the enigmatic veneer. Kirk had to admit that Phillida in full anger would be enough to make grown men tremble—even vampires.
"Come in!" she bellowed.
Petrov opened the door, flinging it aside without actually entering or getting in Phillida's direct line of fire. Kirk entered warily. Phillida was not alone, but it wasn't the other Tweedle Twin inside. Heinrich, another of the Council members, Phillida's staunchest supporter, was trying to talk her down as she continued to screech.
"Phillida, this is not the end of the world. Andres has had his little flings before. This is no different."
"But it is! Don't you see? Can't you understand? He wants to marry her. Make her his queen. Have an heir with her! Did he ever once offer to marry me? Or any of the others? That is the difference, Heinrich. Could you really see taking orders from her? She's a child, even by human standards. It is to insult me."
© 2019 Dellani Oakes

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