"He also had a twisted, sick sense of humor. Too bad he was too shy to ask me out."
"You should have asked him."
"Yeah, tried that. He didn't understand why I'd want to go out with him. He did offer to do my portrait."
"Did you let him?"
Lori lowered her chin, raising her eyebrows. "Really? Don't you know me better than that? I'm not going to end up in some seedy collection for him to party with. Bluh!" She shuddered, shaking her head.
Jason came in a few minutes later to carry Blythe down to dinner. "Mom's made up the guest room," he told her as he picked her up. "So no more stairs. I wish she'd thought of that before we had to make this trip."
"Quit complaining," Lori said with a toss of her long, auburn hair. "You're a big, strong guy. Carrying your baby sister is a piece of cake."
"Thanks for noticing," he growled. "And it would be easier if I could see my feet."
Blythe had forgotten what a fun dinner companion Lori was. It had been a couple years since she'd had supper with the family. Her light-hearted stories kept them entertained, laughing until tears ran down their faces. Lori taught high school drama, but she aspired to being a stand-up comedian. She did a regular show at a local restaurant, which was associated with a nationwide chain. She liked to try her new material on Blythe's family because they would tell her honestly whether or not it was funny.
"And that is why you never wear a front fastening bra to the airport," she concluded.
The family clapped and cheered.
"When I debut that routine, I want you all in the audience," she said. "I've had this one guy heckling me lately. Not sure what his problem is."
"What does he say?" Charlotte asked.
"I'm not sure I can repeat it in polite company. It's really wrong. In short, when I do that story about the two black guys I overheard in the airport, and he yells that I'm a nigger-lover. But when I tell about the old Jewish couple in the grocery store, he tells me I'm anti-Semitic." She shook her head. "I don't get it."
"You should make him the subject of your next routine," Blythe suggested. "We can talk about some of the things he says, and you can put together something for the next time he harasses you."
"Great idea!" Lori hugged her. "This is why I love this family. Charlotte, Don, would you consider adopting me?"
"For the millionth time, we can't," Charlotte said, patting her hand. "We want you to marry Jason. You can't do that if you're our daughter."
"Dammit. Well, Jason. I guess we're going to have to get married, so I have them by default."
Jason said nothing, raising a wary eyebrow. "The girl next door?" His mouth did amused calisthenics as he tried to control his grin. "Yeah. That'd work." His tone implied the exact opposite.
"Great! We'll plan for a June wedding. My colors will be pomegranate and puce."
Jason, who couldn't control it any longer, burst out laughing. "And here I had my heart set on chartreuse and mauve."
"Those are the accents. And we'll have red velvet cake in the form of a Nazi zombie, with gummy worms as garnish for those who take their cake with a side of brains."
"Blech!" Charlotte commented as she stood.
Don helped her gather the dishes, heading toward the kitchen. This was the unspoken signal for everyone to pitch in and help clean up. Blythe struggled to rise.
"You sit," her mother commanded, without looking around. "I won't have my good China broken because you're too weak to stand."
"Thanks, Mommy Dearest. Your consideration is noted," Blythe laughed.
"Just so we're clear," her mother called from the kitchen.
Lori came back a few minutes later. "I was banished. All I did was offer to put the crystal in the dishwasher and I earned a one way ticket to the living room." She and Blythe exchanged a high five. "I totally love this family. Mine is so normal."
"Yes, we're odd, but in a fun way. And I wouldn't exactly call you normal. Your dad won't eat any white vegetables and your mom picks things up off the floor with her toes."
"That's it, malign the monkey toes. I see where this is going."
"Oh, where?" This from Jason as he walked back in the room.
"To the trees, McDuff."
Jason slouched in a dining room chair, scooting a little closer to Lori. She punched him playfully in the arm.
"You been working out, McDuff? Big Buff McDuff!" She postured, pulling ridiculous faces.
Blythe let her gaze drift between the two. "Is there something going on here that I don't know about?" She leaned forward eagerly, gasping as her bruises collided. "Are you two dating? Do Mom and Dad know?" she whispered.
"Don't be ridiculous," Jason muttered.
"Us?" Lori blew raspberries. "No."
"The lady doth protest too much, methinks," Blythe quoted. "Why didn't you say so?"
©2022 Dellani Oakes
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