Faydra
and Kael are cousins, each home with the new love of their lives.
Faydra is dating Quaid, a psychologist from Up North – enough to
scandalize any dyed in the wool Southern Mama. Kael is dating Penny,
from Florida. They are at a huge family gathering at Faydra's
childhood home in Alabama. Quaid has had the unfortunate experience
of meeting Aunt Shiff, Faydra and Kael's mean spirited great-aunt.
Now, it's Penny's turn.
Kael
handed me my crutches and helped me up. I made my way down the hall
to the kitchen. Aunt Shiff sat in a ladder back chair in the far
corner of the vast kitchen. There was a wide no man's land around
her. If anyone got too close, she hooked them with her cane and laid
into them. Acid tongued bitch! She truly was evil. She said horrible
things. I saw her in action for five seconds and hated her. She was
gonna just love the hell outta me.
"Who's
that?" the pointed her cane at me, having spotted me in the
doorway with Kael.
I
swung over and stood in front of her. Kael brought up a chair and
helped me sit. Everyone else left the kitchen as quickly as they
could. I never saw a room empty out so fast.
"Auntie,
this is my new girlfriend, Penny."
"Hmph.
You look a hell of a lot like Annabeth. You sure you ain't kin?"
"Decidedly
not," I replied. "We checked our lineage before we had
sex."
"I
figured you were romping. You Thorn men can't keep your dicks in your
pants. Who knows how many young uns you've got running around."
That
was really cruel, considering what had happened with Aura Lee. Kael's
ears turned red and his jaw firmed. He wanted to say something, but
he was being the polite Southern Gentleman.
"He's
a good man," I spoke up, squaring my shoulders as I confronted
the mean, old harpy. "He's too polite to tell you what he
thinks, but I'm not. You use your position as the old hag of the
family, to run roughshod over everyone. They're positively terrified
of you, and you love it."
"I'm
being honest."
"You're
being mean."
"I
won't lie to your face," the old woman continued. She had more
to say, but I wouldn't let her say it.
"No,
but I bet you lie like hell behind my back. I have a
great-grandmother just like you. She says she's not gossiping,
because she'll speak the truth to your face. Yeah, she does that, in
spades. Rips into you, makes you cry, and then feels good about
herself, because she Spoke the Truth!" I made air quotes.
I never make air quotes, but that seemed appropriate to the
situation.
"So,
I'm gonna be truthful and honest with you, Auntie. What Kael and I do
in private, isn't your business. In fact, anything that anyone in the
family does—not your affair. You're old, bored and spiteful. I
don't know what made you such a sharp tongued harpy, and I don't
care. You can't pull your shit on me, because I know your kind. You
don't scare me. Not even a little."
I
stood up, excusing myself to Kael, if not the old lady. I was halfway
to the door when her voice stopped me.
"That's
the first smart thing anyone's done in thirty years. Sit down, Penny.
You and I need to chat."
Her
tone was less imperious, and warmer, than it had been when she
greeted us. "You think you know it all, huh?" She crossed
her arms across her wizened, wrinkled dugs.
"Nope,
not even close. But I know bad manners when I see them."
"And
I know sass."
"I'm
that, and then some."
She
actually laughed, more like cackled. "You're a smart one.
Where'd you find her, Kael? She's not a local girl, she's too good
for you."
"You're
doing it again," I said, shaking my finger at her. "He's a
good man, hard working, smart, clever, loving—and damn can the man
dance! If you catch my drift." I winked, tilting my head at
Kael.
Aunt
Shiff cackled again, slapping her knee. "You're a snappy little
minx, but I just might like you. Penny, is it? Why aren't you scared
to death of me? Everyone else walks on eggshells around me."
"They
grew up with you. My Granny Kimball is the same way, but I don't take
her shit, either. My cousins are terrified of her, but I'm not. I
think she scared me shitless when I was about five. But she was so
kind, so loving when my dad was killed.... I like to hope that
somewhere, under all those sharp spikes and rude words, you're a kind
person."
"And
if I'm not?"
"We
wouldn't be having this conversation. You'd have thrown a skillet at
me, and either killed me on the spot, or put a hex on me."
She
laughed loudly. It wasn't the crackling cackle, but a real belly
laugh. She shook her head and slapped her knee. "Boy, you found
the one good woman in the whole damn world. You work your bedroom
magic, and make her happy for the rest of her days, you hear me?"
"Yes,
Auntie," he mumbled.
She
put her hand up to her ear and leaned forward.
"Yes,
Auntie," he said more loudly.
"Some
Marine you are, can't speak any louder than a little kid."
Kael
took a deep breath, leaning forward. "Oo-rah!" he bellowed.
Auntie
laughed and clapped. "There's the Marine! Yes! I like this one,"
she pointed at me. "You feel free to marry her anytime."
His
eyes cut over to meet mine. "Don't know if she'll have me."
"She'll
have you. You just have to get the balls to ask. And for god's sake,
try not to get her pregnant before the wedding. We've got enough
premature babies around." She also made air quotes and
cut her eyes at me.
I
got up and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
"You
tell my secret, I'll put a hex on you, Missy," she teased,
giving me a kiss and hug in return.
"Not
on your life! Would I spoil your finely honed image as the Wicked
Witch of the West?"
She
chuckled. "Not if you're smart."
©
2018 Dellani Oakes
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