Dear
Sir or Ma'am:
I
bought this thingummy a fortnight ago and the dumb thing don't work
right! You're s'posed to put the whatsit into the doomaflachy thingy
but it ain't going. I wiggled and jiggled it some, but that's a no
go. Mum kicked it and still nuffin.
I
wants me money back pronto! How dare ya sell crap which don't work
right? Buggers—all of ya.
Walt
Simmons
***
Dear
Mr. Simmons,
We're
very sorry that you had problems with our product. Could you,
perhaps, be more specific as to which product gave you refer? This
would greatly expedite our refund to you.
Neville
McNee
Customer
Complaints
***
Mr.
McNee,
Wot
kind of name is Neville anyway? Don't know how much more specific I
can be. It's that thingummy wot was on sale last week downtown. It
sits on your desk and you're s'posed to be able to access that
intranet whatchacallit wiff it. I want a proper thingy as will work
right.
Walt
Simmons
***
Mr.
Simmons,
Do
you mean a computer? Have you hooked it up properly? Perhaps you need
to read the user's manual or take it to the shop where you purchased
it and get instructions.
Neville
McNee
Customer
Complaints
***
Whot
you talking about, Neville?
***
Mr.
Simmons,
Afraid
I don't understand your last communication. I'm talking about the
computer you bought at one of our stores last week. I was able to
access your purchase information. You also purchased the extended
warranty, so any service you require will be covered. Please take
your computer back to the store where you bought it and they will be
happy to help you out.
Neville
McNee
Customer
Complaints
***
Neville,
I
done wot you said. I took the computer to the shop and they laughed
at me. Bunch of nerdy looking types in blue shirts told me I'm
computer illiterate. I'm not sure exactly what that means, but it's
and insult, be sure of that. I just want me money back, but Mum
dented it when she kicked it, so they say they can't give me a full
refund.
I've
sent it back to you lot, part and parcel. Take the bloody thing and
to hell with you and it! Pox on you, the ruddy machine and the horse
you both rode in on! And you never answered my question—wot kind of
wimpy, dorky name is Neville anyhow?
Walt
Simmons
***
Mr.
Simmons,
Thank
you for returning your computer to us. Unfortunately, as you've
chopped it in a million pieces, we can't give you a refund. Also, I
found the letter you included with it somewhat inflammatory and
personally offensive. Neville is a fine, old fashioned family name.
My grandfather's name was Neville. I thank you for keeping such
comments to yourself.
On
a less personal note, any further missives are to be directed to my
supervisor, Cedric Hinkle.
Neville
McNee
Customer
Complaints
***
Mr.
Hinkle,
Wot
sort of a daft name is Cedric anyway?
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