Sammy nodded, wandering into the hallway, closing the door behind him. There was a snack room for family members, so he walked slowly down there to get a drink and granola bar. There was a smoking porch for the patients and staff not far from Emma's room. He went out there and found a spot in the shade of a large, potted tree. He wished for the first time in ages that he had a cigarette. That was one habit he'd managed to kick on his own, but sometimes he wanted one. The soda was cold, the sun warm. He leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes. The door opened and closed, but he didn't really pay any attention. Even when someone sat down near him, he didn't move. He was tired, weary beyond anything he'd ever been, and he wanted to sleep.
"Hey," the voice was familiar.
Sam's eyes fluttered open and his friend Grant blurred into view. "Hey. You got my message?"
"Yeah. So, you're really gonna do it, huh?"
"Yeah."
"Big step." Grant fumbled with his cigarette pack.
Sam held out his hand for one. Grant lit two, giving one to Sam.
"If you can kick it, do you think I can?"
"You've never been as bad as me, Grant. You can kick it anytime, probably on your own."
"Neither of us is as bad as...." He tipped his head in the direction of the hospital doors.
Sam nodded, taking a drag on his cigarette. He enjoyed the sensation of the smoke rolling across his tongue.
"I'm doing this for her—for both of us. She can't shake it alone."
"I know, right? But if y'all can do this, I can. I talked to my folks when I got your call. Once school's out, I'm going. I gotta graduate. You sure you don't want to wait?"
"Emma won't live until graduation if we wait. You didn't see her last night, Grant. It was bad. I never saw her like that. They drugged and raped her. When I find out who did it...."
"I'll find out. I got your back, man. You know that."
"I'll f**king kill them."
"Part of healing is letting go, Sam. It's bad, but you have to put it behind you. I'll find out and I'll take care of it. You get better. You help Em get better. Have you thought about what you're gonna do when you get out?"
"She's not going home again. We talked about it. I asked her to marry me."
"No way! What did she say?"
Sam sighed, fiddling with his cigarette. "We're too young. She's right, I know that. But I want her with me. I can't see my life without her."
"My mom would say that's not a present day worry. That's a future worry. Get better first. It will work itself out."
"Tell your folks thanks for everything. They've always been so great."
"You got it. Well, I'd better go. I just stopped by on my way to work."
"Shit, work! I forgot to call Buddy."
"I'll talk to him when I go in. He'll understand."
"Thanks, dude."
They did a complicated handshake, followed by a man hug and a thump on the back.
"Take care, man. Good luck with the rest of the year."
"Thanks. It's gonna be good, Sammy. You'll see."
Sam watched Grant walk out, a happy smile tugging his lips. A glance at his watch showed him he'd given Emma nearly 30 minutes. Surely they were done by now. He grabbed another Coke from the snack room and took it to her with a glass of ice. She sat on her bed in a T-shirt and pair of jeans he didn't recognize. Her dark hair was up in a ponytail and she was smiling.
"You smell like smoke. Blah, you taste like it too," she said after kissing him.
"Sorry. Grant stopped by. I bummed one off him. Last one for a while."
"I'm scared, Sammy." Her smile faded. "I don't know if I can do this."
"Yes, you can. I'm here. We can do anything when we're together."
©2020 Dellani Oakes
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