"What a day of surprises. Stan asked out the blonde goddess, and you kissed Avery after ogling her tits."
"I didn't ogle!"
"Yeah, right. You're a man—they are breasts—you ogled. Admitting you have a problem is half the battle."
Colby burst out laughing. Gavin was right, he had ogled and more than just a little. He'd copped a feel or two (or three) as well. Not only were they nice looking, they felt good too. Just as he imagined, warm, soft, perfectly formed hemispheres of bliss.
"Dude!" Gavin yelled. "I do not want to know that!"
"Know what? I didn't say anything."
"You were waxing poetic on the configuration of Avery's—assets."
"I wasn't!"
"Swear ta god! I'm going to have to go wash my ears, man. And scrub my eyeballs. Cause you've given me two images I don't want to carry another second."
"Perfectly formed hemispheres of bliss...." Colby repeated, sucking in his breath sharply.
The phone went dead. Colby laughed, tossing the phone onto the couch. It rang as soon as it hit the cushion. He looked at the caller ID—Stan.
"Hiya! How did your coffee date go?"
"Turned into a late lunch. We're going to dinner tomorrow. Alice has to work until six."
"Cool, Stan! Happy for ya, man."
"She's so tall! It's great. I don't have to bend way over to kiss her. She likes the fact that I'm like nine inches taller. She can wear heels. Didn't know chicks dug heels that much. But okay."
"I kissed Avery."
"You—you what?"
"Kissed. Four lips, two tongues. Hot lust."
"Dude!" Stan sounded very impressed. "And she let you live? Must have been a hell of a kiss."
"It wasn't bad." Colby tried not to sound too smug, but he was sure he'd failed miserably.
"Well, hot damn! I'm happy for ya. Now we just need to find Weasel Dick a woman."
Weasel Dick was Stan's name for Gavin. He wouldn't explain the derivation, and Colby was pretty sure he didn't want to know anyway.
"We can try. Hey, you and Alice wanna grab a coffee with me and Avery?"
"You and Avery—like a couple? For real?"
"Yeah. We're gonna give it a try."
"Took you long enough. Jeez! I was beginning to think I'd have to crack you over the head, so you'd see it."
"See what?"
"How much you love her, man. You're like totally oblivious to it. Kind of like I am to everything else." He chuckled.
"I knew I loved her. I didn't know she loved me. She hid it pretty well—at least from me."
"Dude, man, it's cool. You came to the right place for this. Any sooner or later, and the universe wouldn't have made it happen."
Stan was very spiritual in his own, space cadet way. He didn't believe in organized religion, but had strong beliefs in a higher being. Colby, who was raised Catholic, could respect his views, even if he didn't understand them. In his way, Stan was a better Christian than most Christians. He just called himself something else.
"I'll ask. I never went on a double date before—you know, not like when it mattered. The occasional blind date in high school. That kind of thing."
"Yeah, I'll bring it up with Avery."
"This is totally weird, man. I'm trying to wrap my mind around you two. I mean, I see the love, but wow. This is spectacular and freakish. Oops, call coming from my lady love. Later!" He hung up.
Colby lay on his couch, eyes on the TV without seeing the action or listening to the sound. He was stunned by his own actions that day. Avery loves me. I love her. One day, I may actually have sex with her! Fuck! Yes, idiot, that's one word for it. Oh, shut up!
The more he tried to turn off his mind and relax, the more it yammered at him, hammering the inside of his skull mercilessly. You should call her. You can't let that statement be the last thing she says to you tonight. You have to tell her—Tell her what?
He didn't know. He wasn't the most experienced man, but he wasn't lame either. He'd always considered himself to be capable of reading a woman. He'd obviously failed miserably with Avery, but that was her fault too. Dammit!
He picked up his phone and dialed. She didn't answer, so he hung up. He couldn't think of a message he could leave that wouldn't sound ridiculous, stupid or mental. A few minutes later, he decided he was being an idiot and a coward, so he called back. It went to voicemail again. Taking a deep breath, he spoke.
©2021 Dellani Oakes
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