When
you look at the English language, there are some really dumb
expressions out there. What must a foreigner think when he hears some
of them? Can you imagine a conversation with someone whose English is
good, but lacks a knowledge of our slang and idioms? How confusing! I
can't imagine being on the receiving end. Actually, I can. So I wrote
one. This is an exchange between an average American and a person who
speaks English, but doesn't speak "American".
A
foreign man approaches a pleasant looking American fellow on the
street.
"Excuse
me, sir. Could you give me directions to the nearest restaurant?"
"You
want sit down, fast food or carry out?"
"We
have been walking a lot. We prefer to sit."
"Okay.
Cool. Best bet's to head over to – Say, you like Mexican?"
"Yes,
I like Mexicans. What does that have to do with food?"
"There's
a great Mexican place two blocks down on the right. Or there's and
Italian place three blocks over yonder."
"I
beg your pardon? Yonder?"
"Over
that way." Appropriate hand gestures accompany the explanation.
"I
see. We would like an American meal."
"Oh,
gotcha. For good, down home cooking, nothing beats Angie's Place.
It's a fair piece. Up the road a bit. Might wanna snag a cab."
"We
have a car...."
"Okay,
then. What you're gonna do, you're.... Say, where are you heading out
from?"
"Heading
out?"
"Starting
from."
"This
is our hotel."
"Gotcha.
Okay, so you're gonna head up to Tenth. Hang a right at the light. Go
through the next three lights, hang a left at the Boulevard. You
can't miss it. It's a big, white building on your right. Across from
the Shiny Bright. Next door to the Suds to Go."
"Thank
you. You're most kind."
"No
problem, buddy. You have a great rest of your day."
The
foreign man returns to his family as the American man walks away,
whistling. His wife looks anxiously up at him.
"Well?
What did he say?"
"I
have absolutely no idea."
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