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| Thank you, Aileen Aroma |
I'm not sure what the prompt was for this one, but I chose to do this. I had fun with it.
Dear Sir
or Ma'am:
I bought
this thingummy a fortnight ago and the dumb thing don't work right!
You're s'posed to put the whatsit into the doomaflachy thingy but it
ain't going. I wiggled and jiggled it some, but that's a no go. Mum
kicked it and still nuffin.
I wants
me money back pronto! How dare ya sell crap which don't work right?
Buggers—all of ya.
Walt
Simmons
Dear Mr.
Simmons,
We're
very sorry that you had problems with our product. Could you,
perhaps, be more specific as to which product you refer? This would
greatly expedite our refund to you.
Neville
McNee
Customer
Complaints
Mr.
McNee,
Wot kind
of name is Neville anyway? Don't know how much more specific I can
be. It's that thingummy wot was on sale last week downtown. It sits
on your desk and you're s'posed to be able to access that intranet
whatchacallit wiff it. I want a proper thingy as will work right.
Walt
Simmons
Mr.
Simmons,
Do you
mean a computer? Have you hooked it up properly? Perhaps you need to
read the user's manual or take it to the shop where you purchased it
and get instructions.
Neville
McNee
Customer
Complaints
Whot you
talking about, Neville?
Mr.
Simmons,
Afraid I
don't understand your last communication. I'm talking about the
computer you bought at one of our stores last week. I was able to
access your purchase information. You also purchased the extended
warranty, so any service you require will be covered. Please take
your computer back to the store where you bought it and they will be
happy to help you out.
Neville
McNee
Customer
Complaints
Neville,
I done
wot you said. I took the computer to the shop and they laughed at me.
Bunch of nerdy looking types in blue shirts told me I'm computer
illiterate. I'm not sure exactly what that means, but it's and
insult, be sure of that. I just want me money back, but Mum dented it
when she kicked it, so they say they can't give me a full refund.
I've
sent it back to you lot, part and parcel. Take the bloody thing and
to hell with you and it! Pox on you, the ruddy machine and the horse
you both rode in on! And you never answered my question—wot kind of
wimpy, dorky name is Neville anyhow?
Walt
Simmons
Mr.
Simmons,
Thank
you for returning your computer to us. Unfortunately, as you've
chopped it in a million pieces, we can't give you a refund. Also, I
found the letter you included with it somewhat inflammatory and
personally offensive. Neville is a fine, old fashioned family name.
My grandfather's name was Neville. I thank you for keeping such
comments to yourself.
On a
less personal note, any further missives are to be directed to my
supervisor, Cedric Hinkle.
Neville
McNee
Customer
Complaints
Mr.
Hinkle,
Wot sort
of a daft name is Cedric anyway?
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