Saturday, August 31, 2013

Letter of Complaint - Fun in Writing August 17, 2011

Thank you, Aileen Aroma
I'm not sure what the prompt was for this one, but I chose to do this. I had fun with it.










Dear Sir or Ma'am:
I bought this thingummy a fortnight ago and the dumb thing don't work right! You're s'posed to put the whatsit into the doomaflachy thingy but it ain't going. I wiggled and jiggled it some, but that's a no go. Mum kicked it and still nuffin.
I wants me money back pronto! How dare ya sell crap which don't work right? Buggers—all of ya.

Walt Simmons

Dear Mr. Simmons,
We're very sorry that you had problems with our product. Could you, perhaps, be more specific as to which product you refer? This would greatly expedite our refund to you.
Neville McNee
Customer Complaints

Mr. McNee,
Wot kind of name is Neville anyway? Don't know how much more specific I can be. It's that thingummy wot was on sale last week downtown. It sits on your desk and you're s'posed to be able to access that intranet whatchacallit wiff it. I want a proper thingy as will work right.

Walt Simmons

Mr. Simmons,
Do you mean a computer? Have you hooked it up properly? Perhaps you need to read the user's manual or take it to the shop where you purchased it and get instructions.

Neville McNee
Customer Complaints

Whot you talking about, Neville?

Mr. Simmons,
Afraid I don't understand your last communication. I'm talking about the computer you bought at one of our stores last week. I was able to access your purchase information. You also purchased the extended warranty, so any service you require will be covered. Please take your computer back to the store where you bought it and they will be happy to help you out.

Neville McNee
Customer Complaints

Neville,
I done wot you said. I took the computer to the shop and they laughed at me. Bunch of nerdy looking types in blue shirts told me I'm computer illiterate. I'm not sure exactly what that means, but it's and insult, be sure of that. I just want me money back, but Mum dented it when she kicked it, so they say they can't give me a full refund.
I've sent it back to you lot, part and parcel. Take the bloody thing and to hell with you and it! Pox on you, the ruddy machine and the horse you both rode in on! And you never answered my question—wot kind of wimpy, dorky name is Neville anyhow?

Walt Simmons

Mr. Simmons,
Thank you for returning your computer to us. Unfortunately, as you've chopped it in a million pieces, we can't give you a refund. Also, I found the letter you included with it somewhat inflammatory and personally offensive. Neville is a fine, old fashioned family name. My grandfather's name was Neville. I thank you for keeping such comments to yourself.
On a less personal note, any further missives are to be directed to my supervisor, Cedric Hinkle.

Neville McNee
Customer Complaints

Mr. Hinkle,

Wot sort of a daft name is Cedric anyway?

No comments:

Christmas and a Vampire - Part 12

Grumbling, Dirk agreed. He got out without question when she stopped again. "There's a small cabin half a mile up that track,&...