Tuesday, July 28, 2015

I Love Dialogue - Car Trouble

Kent Mason is an author of some modest fame. He was on his way home from a three state book signing tour when his new car broke down on the side of the road and he had to be rescued by Calliope Jacoby, who co-owns a towing company with her brother. They become involved and go out of town for a weekend, only to rush home because her home has been vandalized. At the police station, Kent has to use the restroom

I've long wondered why men's restrooms are set up the way they are. Women have privacy, but we're expected to yank it out and take a whiz no matter who's around. It's always made me nervous. There's always this sick impulse to check the other guy's junk, but you look like a perv if you do that. Not that I'm embarrassed about what I'm packing, far from it. I just don't particularly like to be stared at, especially with my fly down. Then there's the problem of where to look.
Do I look down at myself? That looks like I'm not sure I can take a piss without help. Do I stare at the wall? Then I look like I'm nervous or have something to hide. In a police station, I don't want to look furtive. I'm not gonna look at the piece of the guy next to me, so there aren't many choices left.
I chose to gaze at the flush valve. That's not so low that I seem perverted and not high enough to appear furtive. Glad I was done, I flushed, nodded politely and flashed a nervous smile as I went to the sink. I watched the other men casually in the mirror as I soaped my hands.
Seconds later, I was soaked from waist to hips. Cold water sprayed me from the faucet, spattering the mirror, counter and floor.
"What the fuck?" My vocabulary choice was probably unfortunate due to where I was, but I couldn't help it.
The two cops were laughing. I was soaked and standing in a puddle, and the two duffers were laughing at me.
"Sorry, pal, we should've warned you," the guy on my right zipped up and walked to the sink.
I noticed he avoided the sink I was standing next to—dripping.
"Then why didn't you?"
"Didn't think about it. We all know not to use that sink. The work order's been in for three months."
"Give me a wrench, I'll fix it myself."
"You a plumber?"
"I apprenticed awhile when I was a teenager. I could fix that in five minutes."
"Wish we could oblige, it has to go through the city."
"Got a towel? My girlfriend is talking to Sergeant um. . . ." I drew a blank. "Stacy," I bumbled to a finish.
"Lanier," Mr. Right finished for me.
"Thanks, yes."
"Oh, you part of that vandalism case?"
"Yeah, my girlfriend's property got hit."
One of the cops handed me a roll of paper towels. I started blotting the front of my jeans.
"I look like I had a serious bathroom accident," I fussed. "This is just great."
"We could find you some dry pants, maybe," the cop on my left suggested.
"Actually, my bag is in the car. We were out of town when we got the call. If you gentlemen will excuse me, I need to get my pants."
"I'll let Stacy know where you've gone," Mr. Left said.
"Thanks."
Feeling like an idiot, not for the first time, I wandered outside, glad that I didn't meet anyone on my way out. Gabe and Chas were leaning against the Jeep sharing a cigarette.
I grabbed my pants out of the back seat and joined them. They examined my wet crotch with a smirk.
"Someone get too excited?" Gabe asked.
"The sink in the men's restroom attacked me. Don't use the center one. Gimme a hit?"
Gabe handed me the cigarette. "Sorry we have to share, it's my last one."
"God, that tastes good!" I moaned with almost sexual delight as I took another puff. "I was hoping it would taste like ass, then I wouldn't feel so shitty about giving it up."
"It's a Sobranie, of course it's good. I don't smoke anything else."
"I'll pay for them, if you'll get more. I'm dying for a real smoke."
"Calliope will have your balls in a sling if you start smoking again."
"One. I just want one. Then I'll give it up, I swear."
"I bet you said the same thing about sex a long time ago." Chas smirked, nudging me.
"Hell with that. I had one hit and couldn't wait for another."
Both men laughed, shaking their heads.
"Find out anything useful?"
"Yes, don't use the middle sink. I need to go change. These pants feel nasty and my balls are getting chilly."
"Oh, God forbid he get frostbite on his extremities!" Gabe said loudly enough to attract the attention of a couple police officers who had just walked out the door.
I recognized my bathroom pals and waved self-consciously with my dry jeans. They laughed all the way to their cars.
"Thanks. That helped." I punched Gabe hard on the arm. "Now they think I'm a gay man who can't control his own plumbing."
"They don't," Gabe replied. "They just think you're a useless twit."
"Thanks that makes me feel so much better."
"Anytime."
Sometimes Gabe is annoying. I didn't want to go back into the police station with wet pants, so I clamored into the back of my rental and changed my jeans. He and Chas kept up a running commentary about my antics, laughing the entire time. At least I didn't have to change my underwear. I can only imagine what the comments would have been like then.
"Have you finally caged the rampant beast?" Gabe asked when I got out.
"Caged but still rampant." I grabbed a handful of my crotch for emphasis.
"Is he really that well blessed?" Chas looked curious, but not hungry.
"It's a thing of beauty," Gabe said with a serious frown. "Were I that blessed, I'd share it as often as possible."
"Could we not!" I raised my voice more than I should have. Several of the police officers coming out the door looked around at me.
Lowering my voice, I continued. "Could we not have this conversation right now, please? I don't particularly feel comfortable with it. Not exactly comfy with the fact you've seen me naked," I said quietly to Gabe.
"It's okay, honey. I've seen lots of naked men." He put on his best simper, winking at me.

I wanted to hit him, but maybe in front of the police station wasn't the best place for that impulse, so I didn't. Instead, I threw my pants in the back seat of my car and went back in the station.

Friday, July 24, 2015

Unfit Author Week of June 22 - 28, 2015

The Unfit Author

Below are the songs I danced to 6/22/2015:
Duration Song and Artist Time
3:23 Pick Up the Pieces – Average White Band 1:18 PM
20:00 Stretched 3:33 – 3:53
23:23

Below are the songs I danced to 6/23/2015:
Duration Song and Artist Time
4:23 Upright – Revivalists 6:56 PM
3:38 Flower – Cody Simpson 9:32
8:01

Below are the songs I danced to 6/24/2015:
I guess I didn't dance today, nor do I have any notes. Not sure what happened?

Below are the songs I danced to 6/25/2015:
Duration Song and Artist Time
3:11 Lay Em Down – NeedtoBreathe 11:58 AM
3:18 String of Pearls – Glenn Miller 1:20 PM
4:13 Vampires – Ballroom Thieves 10:12 PM
10:42

Below are the songs I danced to 6/26/2015:
Duration Song and Artist Time
5:55 Criminal – Revivalists 11:13 AM
3:52 It's All Over – Dan Skinner 12:24 PM
4:33 Zion – Fluke 1:30
3:32 Brother – NeedtoBreathe 2:42
3:47 Save Yourself – Stabbing Westward 3:58

Below are the songs I danced to 6/27/2015:
Duration Song and Artist Time
4:13 Vampires – Revivalists 11:48 AM
4:16 Shame – Dear Hunter 2:46 PM
4:07 I Don't Care – Patrick Stump 4:24
5:00 Love Lies Bleeding – Elton John 5:10
2:00 Dug In Deep – Atomic Sleepers 6:09
20:00 Stretched 9:03 – 9:23
39:36

Below are the songs I danced to 6/28/2015:
Duration Song and Artist Time
6:00 Zorba the Greek 12:39 PM
4:06 Take Me to the Other Side – Aerosmith 5:22

10:06

© 2015 Dellani Oakes

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

I Love Dialogue Full Measure - Again

Ralan and Daphne finally meet and are immediately attracted. So much so, they give in to their passions without thinking. Ralan realizes, too late, that being with her could compromise his case, but he finds it hard to care. He also realizes he must tell his Captain, Jeff Givens, what's happened.

Givens and Ralan went to the Captain's office. One of the office assistants brought in coffee and a platter of bagels, donuts and pastries. Ralan thanked her, Givens more or less ignored her, though he nodded slightly in her direction as she served him.
"So, who do you think these schmucks are?"
"No idea. I'm not even sure who all the players are, Jeff."
"Then we need to find out asap. I can't have my best agent looking over his shoulder."
"I always look over my shoulder." He sipped his coffee and took a cherry danish.
"I meant more than usual. Being paranoid's kept you alive a long time. You sure no one followed you to Ian's?"
"No. I watched for a tail, but that means nothing. I didn't hide my plans, Jeff. What puzzles me is how they knew I was back."
"Maybe they didn't. Maybe they were breaking in for some other reason."
"Armed for bear? Not a casual break in. They were after me. Maybe Daphne too."
"Why would they think she was there?"
Ralan sipped his coffee, refusing to answer.
"Tell me." Jeff Givens wasn't a man to back away from confrontation. He dogged a bone better than anyone, including Ralan.
Not feeling like arguing, Ralan leaned forward, arms on his thighs. "I messed up."
"Meaning you compromised our case by misconduct with the woman?"
Closing his eyes, Ralan nodded. Givens didn't speak for a long time. Ralan could hear him breathing. He could almost hear the older man thinking.
"Ralan, did I ever tell you about the time I had a beautiful personal assistant I was protecting? Her boss was up to his ass in some crazy scheme and she made the mistake of doing her job and told him about some irregularities she'd found."
The younger agent sat quietly. Jeff didn't want a reply. Ralan waited.
"I was about your age, and they gave me this. My first witness protection as lead. We were stuck in a cabin deep in the woods. Just us two. Had some guys running patrols, but it was just us for over a week. We were bored and scared as hell we were gonna die. . . . I took that girl to bed. Damn near ruined my career."
"What saved you?"
"I had a boss who'd been in the same situation and made the same mistake." He paused, eyes on his desk. Glancing up at Ralan, he folded his hands in front of him. "Can you promise me this is the only time this will happen?"
Ralan looked away, unable to lie to his boss. "I'd love to tell you that, Jeff. I'm not sure I believe it."
"Good, cause I wouldn't either. If you'd given me a guarantee, I'd of pulled you off so damn fast your nuts would spin."
"You could still do that."
"I'm reserving that right," Givens replied. "This goes no further."
"Romy knows."
"Who's he gonna tell? Me? If I pull you off, I have to give a reason. Do you think I want to answer questions like that? Do you?"
"No, sir."
"Damn Skippy, no. Keep it in your pants, Agent Hendrix. Get a hobby. Needlepoint is relaxing."
"Yes, sir." He stood, knowing he'd been dismissed. "Thank you, sir."
"Kid, we all make mistakes. If I canned every agent who had an inconvenient itch, I wouldn't have a team."

© 2015 Dellani Oakes



Friday, July 17, 2015

Unfit Author June 15 - 21, 2015

The Unfit Author
I did great at the beginning of the week, but as of Wednesday, sort of lost momentum. It's been very hot and I haven't been feeling all that well. Though it is cooler in my office with the furniture change (I moved my tower out of the corner) it still gets very hot back here. I don't feel quite so bad about myself if I get some stretching in.

Below are the songs I danced to 6/15/15:
I did a lot better today. I really blew the last week to hell, so I started with more enthusiasm.
Duration Song and Artist Time
3:13 How You Like Me Now – The Heavy 11:32 AM
2:48 Breaking Down the Borders – Miracle of Sound 12:11 PM
3:56 Deep Inside – Incubus 1:36
2:47 Smiling Face – James Taylor 5:24
6:14 Most People Never Hear Real Music – Zach Deputy 7:50
3:00 White Rabbit – Grace Potter 9:02
3:28 Highway to Hell – AC/DC 10:19
3:55 Jordan – Buckethead 11:25
20:00 Stretch 1:00 – 1:20 AM
48:01

Below are the songs I danced to 6/16/15:
Duration Song and Artist Time
5:14 Coal Wars – Joshua James 12:48 PM
4:00 Give Up – Claws 1:48
4:52 Cult of Personality – Living Color 3:17
3:07 Jungle – Jamie Commons 8:13
17:03

Below are the songs I danced to 6/17/15:
Had writing group today and it was wicked hot. I was scared to look at my phone to check the temperature, but it was hard to breathe. Getting in the car was brutal. I had to stop at the store on the way home, and even though I wasn't inside long, the car had heated up again. I came home, ate a late lunch and felt like death.

Below are the songs I danced to 6/18/15:
Duration Song and Artist Time
4:16 Shame – Dear Hunter 11:00 AM
5:54 Criminal – The Revivalists 12:49 PM
5:04 Harvest Moon – Neil Young 2:10
20:00 Stretched 10:22
35:04

Below are the songs I danced to 6/19/15:
Duration Song and Artist Time
5:04 Sing, Sing, Sing with a Swing – Benny Goodman 10:59 AM
7:00 Lazy – Joe Bonamassa 12:26 PM
20:00 Stretched 3:56-4:16
32:04

Below are the songs I danced to 6/20/2015:
According to today's notes, I wasn't feeling well. Had another sinus infection strike and that always takes it out of me.

Below are the songs I danced to 6/21/2015:
Duration Song and Artist Time
22:00 Stretched watching Netflix 2:42 – 3:04

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

I Love Dialogue Set for Love - Excerpt 2

Set for Love (not yet published) takes place in a city of my own imagination, somewhere up north. Bern Cortland is a South Mississippi boy in the harsh, frozen wastelands of the big city. He's taken a job as the technical director at an up and coming theatre there. Bern's had an on again/ off again relationship with one of the actresses in the show. The night before, they had a great time—until Paige got angry and threw him out. Today, she ripped into him when he was helping the director run lines. To calm down, he decides to go jogging in the park, only to get jumped by a mugger. One of the cops thinks Bern is the mugger and doesn't pay attention until his partner spots the fact that Bern is bleeding. At the hospital, Bern hits on the nurse, Norah, and talks to his buddy Colt, who is there to pick him up

"Girlfriend trouble?" Norah asked as she moved around the cubicle. "Cutie, I need you to leave for a few. Got to take out the IV."
Colt nodded and left.
"So?"
"Might say that. One left me for a chick. Next one just plain left me and the third—hadn't even got as far as girlfriend exactly."
"But you did fu—her."
"Yeah. Not my best moment. Lemme ask you something though. Don't take this wrong, but I need a woman's opinion."
"And I'm handy?" She giggled as she started to peel off tape.
"That and I don't know you."
"Or want to fu—me?"
"Did I say that?"
She laughed harder. "Go ahead and ask."
"Okay, so there's this woman who totally hates me for some reason. And last night she was drinking heavily at a party, so I took her home. She lives across the hall."
"Okay. . . ."
"So, she was grabbing all over me, I mean everywhere—then she kisses me and starts taking off my pants. I tried to tell her no—"
"Not real forcefully, I bet."
He gave her a patient look. "I'm single. . . and she had her hands on my junk."
"Got it. And?"
"So I did her on the kitchen table. Pants around the ankles, skirt around her hips. . . . Mutually satisfying experience."
"You sure about that?"
"She was very enthusiastic and bit the shit outta me." He showed her the bruise.
"Sounds like. And?"
"Then she freezes up on me, throws me out and today she ripped me a new asshole in front of everyone we work with."
"Okay—so what's your question?"
"What the hell did I do wrong?"
"Honestly? You didn't do anything wrong, sweetie. You behaved in the anticipated, desired fashion and she feels like a slut."
"So how's it my fault?"
She patted his hand, touching his cheek. "Because you're the man, honey. You did exactly what she wanted and now she's going to make you pay. There's no logic to it, she's a woman. But for what it's worth—if you'd done the same to me—we wouldn't be having this conversation. You'd be doing it again." She smiled, kissing his cheek. Tossing her hair, she walked out.
Bern's laugh followed her down the hall. Colt came in, watching the departing nurse.
"What'd you do to that girl? She looked ready to tackle the world."
"Told her about me and Paige last night and asked her what I did wrong."
"What'd she say?"
"I didn't do nothin' wrong, I did everything right and I'm still fucked. But she told me had I done the same with her, we'd be partyin' Where was she when my life sucked? What am I saying? It still sucks balls."
Norah came back in with his release papers. She went over care instructions and showed him where to sign. On his copy of it, she'd written her phone number under her signature.
"In case you need my opinion on anything else," she said with a sly wink.
"I do," he replied before she left the room. "What's protocol on kissing your nurse?"
She raised an eyebrow. "Why, Mr. Cortland, that would be unprofessional. So call me when I'm off duty."
"I'll do that," he said, folding the papers and putting them in his pocket.
Colt steadied him as he walked outside. Clay was there to pick them up.
"What do you do to these women?" Colt asked. "I mean, I've had my share of women, but damn! These girls come at you like a hurricane, milk you dry and run. You a one man baby daddy?"
"I hope not! I dunno. I smile and I'm polite. Not like I go outta my way to hit on anybody."
"Except the nurse."
"Well, she was steamin'! But she hit on me first. I swear."
"So, what happened with you and Paige?" Clay asked.
"Rather not talk about it."
"You told Nurse Norah!" Clay complained.
"Yeah, and she don't work with Paige. Wouldn't be polite to tell."
"But you were inside her?" Clay asked, expectantly.
Bern gave him a bland look and closed his eyes.
"She totally hates you, dude. She's so pissed, she can hardly see straight. And Brent—whoa!"
"Hope I still have a job."
"No worries. You're cool. Boss man knows talent and he knows I'll only take the job under protest. But he'll take someone less talented if it means less drama. You need to get this shit with Paige settled. He won't tolerate much more."

"Believe me, nobody wants it settled more than me."

© 2015 Dellani Oakes


Friday, July 10, 2015

The Unfit Author June 8 - 14, 2015

The Unfit Author

Below are the songs I danced to 6/8/15:
Duration Song and Artist Time
9:52 # 41 Dave Matthews Band 11;55 AM
5:54 Criminal – Revivalists 1:00 PM
5:10 Roll the Bones – Shaky Groves 2:19
5:35 Wake Up – Arcade Fire 10:50
25:51

Below are the songs I danced to 6/9/15:
Honestly not sure what was up with today. I'm really not sure why there is such a big gap in time. I had a doctor's appointment, but that didn't take up the entire day. Really not sure. As you'll see, I did some of my dancing after midnight. As before, if I dance before I sleep, it counts on that day, regardless of the time. I see that I did two songs in a row, that's because I like them both so much and they are back to back on my playlist.

Duration Song and Artist Time
3:51 Fuck You – Cee Lo Green 11:04 AM
4:30 Uptown Funk – Bruno Mars 12:00 PM
3:51 It's All Over – Dan Skinner 12:oo AM
5:54 Criminal – Revivalists 12:18
17:36

Below are the songs I danced to 6/10/15:
Well, I didn't dance today. I had writing group from 12:30 – 2:00 and had a few errands. After being in the heat and sunshine, I don't usually feel much like doing anything but eating a late lunch and collapsing.

Below are the songs I danced to 6/11/15:
Duration Song and Artist Time
2:35 Little Sadie – Crooked Still 11:58 AM
23:00 Stretched 2:47 – 3:10 PM
4:55 #9 – Moon Hooch 9:00
30:30

Below are the songs I danced to 6/12/15:
Duration Song and Artist Time
5:05 Keep Going – Revivalists 11:19 AM
20:00 Stretched 3:20-3:40 PM
25:05

Below are the songs I danced to 6/13/15:
I didn't feel much like doing anything today. Not entirely sure why. I have a very terse note to myself saying I didn't feel like it, nothing more. I need to work on my notations, obviously I can't be trusted to remember.
Duration Song and Artist Time
3:14 Rumble and Sway – Jamie N Commons 11:35 PM
3:14

Below are the songs I danced to 6/14/15:
Today, I actually got out and went to a barbecue with my neighbor. A lovely lady from the writing group invited us to it and we decided to go. It was a lot of fun and got us both out of the house, which we badly needed.
Duration Song and Artist Time
10:00 Stretched 8:15 – 8:25 PM
10:00


Christmas and a Vampire - Part 11

"I'm sorry I doubted you." "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, or take you with me. He wasn't in a compromisin...