Friday, April 17, 2015

ABC Challenge Q: April 17, 2015 Questions for Authors (Like Me)

Why do you write?
I dunno. Why do you breathe?

There are a lot of questions authors don't like being asked. Why? Because we don't always have a satisfactory answer. At least, it's not satisfactory for the person asking the question. To us, it makes perfect sense. I've been asked the above question and, at the time, couldn't really see giving the answer I first thought of (my response, also above). It didn't seem quite the thing. So I came up with something a little better. Next time I'm asked, I'll use it.
Why do I write? Because I can't imagine myself not writing. I can't even think of giving it up. It's as much a part of me as breathing. If you can stop breathing and survive, I'll stop writing.

Where do your ideas come from?
Everything.

Here's another hard one. I can get an idea from a TV commercial, a movie, a song, a random conversation in the grocery store. I've even been inspired by a mud puddle. Sometimes, I get inspiration from a wild thing that happens – for example, the motorcycle convoy in The Ninja Tattoo. That was inspired by something that really happened to me. Inspiration is a tricky beast. It can creep up on an author and leave him/ her scrounging for paper and a pen in order to write it down before it escapes.

How's your book coming?
Which one?

Some authors, like me, work on more than one book at a time. I have a very schizo muse. She hops around from story to story. Once in awhile, she allows me to finish, but mostly she keeps feeding me new ideas and doesn't allow me to complete them. I don't know if she's crazy or simply sadistic. I have more stories than I know what to do with. Yes, I've finished some, but others, no.
So when a well meaning, non-author, friend asks me, “How's your book coming?” I can't really formulate a complete reply. I have no idea what book I was working on the last time they asked me. Generally, neither can they. Many times, they are asking simply because they don't know what else to say. They might genuinely be interested, but that flags when I tell them the plot. Not everyone can follow my rapid fire narrative. I'm more interested in getting back to work than I am in telling them about what's already on paper.
Some people can't follow the plot and ask so many questions, I lose track of what I'm saying and never finish. I have to keep in mind that they aren't immersed in the story the way I am. But why ask if they aren't going to listen? That's not being polite, it's wasting my time.

So, are you still writing?
Well—Duuuh!

Of course, I'm still writing. You're still breathing, aren't you? Obviously so, because you asked me the dumbest question of all. You're wasting my time and breathing my air and I want you to go away. People who ask this question need to go sit in the Zen garden and contemplate how stupid this is. I'm awake, therefore I write.

Statements I Have No Patience For:

I had a great idea for a book once. And they proceed to tell me the worse idea EVER.
I thought about writing a book, but I don't have time. If you really wanted to, you'd find time.
I think writing a book would be fun. I'm told that bungee jumping is fun too. I don't think I want to try that, though.
You work at home. You have plenty of time to do {Insert Annoying Activity Here}. You mean all that fun writing I'm doing is going to miraculously complete itself? Hooray!
Anyone can write a novel. Oh, really? So I guess you could sit down and write a best seller in no time? Go for it.
Are you going to put me in your book? I will if you keep annoying me. I'll put you in my book—and kill you.

In all fairness, some people generally are interested. They're trying to understand, but they can't possibly understand a writer's mind unless they are also writers. We don't think on the same wavelength as non-writers. We aren't wired the same way at all.

Keep the following in mind:
A conversation with a writer WILL end up in a book some day.
If you do something foolish and tell an author, it WILL end up in a book some day.
You're a complete tool, you WILL end up in a book one day, probably as the villain or a murder victim.

Remember, the next time you speak to your favorite author, ask her/ him something and really listen to the response. Don't just ask to be polite, because it's not, it's a waste of their time. Writing isn't easy, though it may look like it to an outsider. Brain surgery isn't simple either, but a trained surgeon can make it appear easy because s/he practices. No, I'm not comparing what I do to brain surgery. Obviously, that's like comparing grapes to kumquats. The point I'm making is, it's not as simple as most authors make it look.
I think I can best sum it up like this: Authors labor and in the end, a book is born.

© Dellani Oakes 2015


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