I
dunno. Why do you breathe?
There
are a lot of questions authors don't like being asked. Why? Because
we don't always have a satisfactory answer. At least, it's not
satisfactory for the person asking the question. To us, it makes
perfect sense. I've been asked the above question and, at the time,
couldn't really see giving the answer I first thought of (my
response, also above). It didn't seem quite the thing. So I came up
with something a little better. Next time I'm asked, I'll use it.
Why
do I write? Because I can't imagine myself not writing. I can't even
think of giving it up. It's as much a part of me as breathing. If you
can stop breathing and survive, I'll stop writing.
Where
do your ideas come from?
Everything.
Here's
another hard one. I can get an idea from a TV commercial, a movie, a
song, a random conversation in the grocery store. I've even been
inspired by a mud puddle. Sometimes, I get inspiration from a wild
thing that happens – for example, the motorcycle convoy in The
Ninja Tattoo. That was inspired by something that really happened
to me. Inspiration is a tricky beast. It can creep up on an author
and leave him/ her scrounging for paper and a pen in order to write
it down before it escapes.
How's
your book coming?
Which
one?
Some
authors, like me, work on more than one book at a time. I have a very
schizo muse. She hops around from story to story. Once in awhile, she
allows me to finish, but mostly she keeps feeding me new ideas and
doesn't allow me to complete them. I don't know if she's crazy or
simply sadistic. I have more stories than I know what to do with.
Yes, I've finished some, but others, no.
So
when a well meaning, non-author, friend asks me, “How's your book
coming?” I can't really formulate a complete reply. I have no idea
what book I was working on the last time they asked me. Generally,
neither can they. Many times, they are asking simply because they
don't know what else to say. They might genuinely be interested, but
that flags when I tell them the plot. Not everyone can follow my
rapid fire narrative. I'm more interested in getting back to work
than I am in telling them about what's already on paper.
Some
people can't follow the plot and ask so many questions, I lose track
of what I'm saying and never finish. I have to keep in mind that they
aren't immersed in the story the way I am. But why ask if they aren't
going to listen? That's not being polite, it's wasting my time.
So,
are you still writing?
Well—Duuuh!
Of
course, I'm still writing. You're still breathing, aren't you?
Obviously so, because you asked me the dumbest question of all.
You're wasting my time and breathing my air and I want you to go
away. People who ask this question need to go sit in the Zen garden
and contemplate how stupid this is. I'm awake, therefore I write.
Statements
I Have No Patience For:
I
had a great idea for a book once. And they proceed to tell me the
worse idea EVER.
I
thought about writing a book, but I don't have time. If you
really wanted to, you'd find time.
I
think writing a book would be fun. I'm told that bungee jumping
is fun too. I don't think I want to try that, though.
You
work at home. You have plenty of time to do {Insert Annoying Activity
Here}. You mean all that fun writing I'm doing is going to
miraculously complete itself? Hooray!
Anyone
can write a novel. Oh, really? So I guess you could sit down and
write a best seller in no time? Go for it.
Are
you going to put me in your book? I will if you keep annoying me.
I'll put you in my book—and kill you.
In
all fairness, some people generally are interested. They're trying to
understand, but they can't possibly understand a writer's mind unless
they are also writers. We don't think on the same wavelength as
non-writers. We aren't wired the same way at all.
Keep
the following in mind:
A
conversation with a writer WILL
end up in a book some day.
If
you do something foolish and tell an author, it WILL
end up in a book some day.
You're
a complete tool, you WILL
end up in a book one day, probably as the villain or a murder victim.
Remember,
the next time you speak to your favorite author, ask her/ him
something and really listen to the response. Don't just ask to be
polite, because it's not, it's a waste of their time. Writing isn't
easy, though it may look like it to an outsider. Brain surgery isn't
simple either, but a trained surgeon can make it appear easy because
s/he practices. No, I'm not comparing what I do to brain
surgery. Obviously, that's like
comparing grapes to kumquats. The point I'm making is, it's not as
simple as most authors make it look.
I
think I can best sum it up like this: Authors labor and in the end, a
book is born.
©
Dellani Oakes 2015
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